Anyone whose graduated or is currently in college is aware of the casual dating scene and how it feels when, “he’s not interested in you”. If it’s not something that you’re used to then it can be very easy to get caught up and believe that something more might come out of a few hook-ups.
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Not going to lie, I’ve fallen a victim to it (oops) and I’ve had a handful of friends come to me seeking advice about their current situation. And honestly, there are so many factors that could play a part in your relationship dilemma that make it hard to tell if it’s mutual and sadly I’ve learned that Yahoo! Answers isn’t the way to go.
As shitty as it might sound, people end up doing certain things because they felt like the moment called for it, not because they necessarily had serious feelings. An example of this would be kissing you after a date, just because in several movie we’ve seen a kiss exchanged before getting out of the car or on the front porch after a first date regardless if it was a one good or not.
In addition, if you were raised in a traditional household then were most likely raised to compliment when due and take the bill whenever you go out with someone whether it’s a date or not.
This happened to me once during South By Southwest when I spent the day seeing shows with one of my girl friend’s guy friends who I’d met a few times. We were planning to meet up with other people after so even though it wasn’t a date he asked me what I wanted to drink whenever he ordered one.
In today’s society it’s a recipe for heartbreak to assume that because someone continued to communicate with you after they got what they wanted that they want to be in it for the long run.
As humans we desire the warmth of another human and there’s nothing wrong with that, you just have to make sure that you’re okay with essentially being a placeholder for someone. It’s important to discuss early in the relationship what each party wants out of the deal or else things will get complicated fast.
I’m the furthest thing from a relationship expert so it’s definitely different case by case, but in situations where your potential suitor does evacuate and shows clear signs that they aren’t interested then you should do the obvious thing and move on with your head held high.
I came across this honest quote by Dolly Alderton on Tumblr which is what prompted me to write this post. It’s the perfect quote to read when you’re in the heart-wrenching stage of over analyzing every word your crush says, constantly checking their social media sites and plotting the demise of any girl who presents themselves as a threat even though “the talk” hasn’t happened.
“If they don’t reply to your texts — they’re not interested in you.
If they don’t call you — they’re not interested in you.
If they forget your birthday — they’re not interested in you.
If they’re hung up on their ex — they’re not interested in you.
If they’re obsessed with being single — they’re not interested in you.
If they don’t want to meet your friends — they’re not interested in you.
If they don’t want you to meet their friends — they’re not interested in you.
If they don’t ask questions about your life — they’re not interested in you.
If they don’t tell you things about their life — they’re not interested in you.
If they only speak to you when they want to have sex with you — they’re not interested in you.
If they only have sex with you when they’re drunk — they’re not interested in you.
If they say “should we just keep this between us?’ after you have sex with them — they’re not interested in you.
If they don’t have sex with you — they’re not interested in you.
If they can always find a psychobabble rationale about who “I am” or “you are” or “we are” as reason why you can’t be together — they’re not interested in you.
If they have said for more than six months that they would like to be with you “BUT” — they’re not interested in you.
And if you still need convincing — think of it this way. Think of what the real day-to-day of life is taken up by. Life is birthday parties at terrible pubs. Life is losing your credit card and the annual Melbourne Cup sweepstake in the office. Life is hen’s nights, bucks’ nights, sitting on the phone for three hours to get U2 tickets and not getting them, the apartment upstairs flooding your house, interval training, calorie counting, cancer scares, illegal mini cabs, Secret Santa, rail replacement buses and Dido albums. Dogs die, cars crash, bin liners break, contracts end, curtain rails collapse, trains get delayed, football teams lose. Divorce happens and so do earthquakes and so does An Audience With Michael Bublé. Landlords put rent up, phones get stolen and the supermarket often completely runs out of hummus.
Now, taking all of the above into account — you look me dead in the eye and tell me the truth. Do you really have enough spare energy to pursue someone who isn’t interested in you? Do you really want to waste any more time on top of all of that? No. Me neither. So give it up, my friend. It’s a loser’s game. Delete their number. Don’t go on any more dates with them. Stop lurking their Facebook page. Feels good, doesn’t it?”
Life honestly is way too short to waste on people who aren’t interested in you. If the person you’re chasing can’t see the sparkles in your eyes, hear the honesty in your voice, feel the magic in your touch, smell the flowers in your hair, or taste the sweetness on your lips then congratulations you dodged a bullet.
Thanks for reading and stay hungry to learn, create and grow!